Monday, February 23, 2009
"Tough Love": Good or Bad??
Stemming from the issue of nature vs. nurture comes the topic of “tough love”. In my opinion tough love is when you are not as kind to a person in order to get them to do what you think is right but, in the end your trying to do them a good thing. Most of the time this is seen in parenting. Some parents are very kind and loving to their children while others are maybe more strict and demanding but, also love their kids. In my family for example, my father was more of a “tough love” parent and my mother was the kind and warm one. Sometime my father would make me do things that I really didn’t want to but he would always add “this is for your own good.” Mom on the other hand would always try to console me and I when I didn’t want to do something I would eventually end up convincing her. don’t get me wrong though I know both parents love me :) The question here would be: is tough love really effective or is it too harsh? Personally, I think tough love is a positive thing when used “correctly”. I have a niece and a nephew whom I am constantly with. When my niece was born I would be the kindest person to her. She would always get what she wanted from me and I rarely, if ever, said no. as she got older there were more things I would have to say “no” to and when I did she would have a little tantrum. A while after my nephew was born. I was different with him from the beginning. I would not always give him what he wanted and I wasn’t as “kind” to him (I wasn’t mean I just wasn’t extremely nice). Now when someone says no to him he understands that there is a reason why they said “no” or didn’t let him do what he wanted and he doesn’t react they way my niece did. I believe that “tough love” is very effective. Also tough love, in my opinion, helps you realize that not everything in life is easy and it helps you prepare for how you will have to interact with others in the future. In the end what one is aiming for is their loved ones’ well-being and eventually they will realize that.
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You have some really great points. I believe that parent's need to find a happy medium. You can't be over bearingly tough because it puts way too much pressure on the child to be perfect. As we saw in class about the little gymnast and beauty pagent girls. Being too tough can lower the child's self esteem because they can never be good enough. On the other hand, being too laxidasical doesn't teach the child rule's and boundaries and they can become very spoiled. This can make them not at all prepared to face the challenges of the real world.
ReplyDeletei agree with this story. i was just haveing a talk with some friends from work about this same subject a few days ago... and how parents these days are'nt doing the "tough love" way, its almost as if people think that they can make up for the lack of time or mistakes that they have made as parents by just giving their children everything and anything.... its so important to have a balance of love and tough love in a realtionship with a child and their mother, father, or care giver....
ReplyDeletegood subject to talk about.
I think is very different when it comes to “tough love” because you may hurt without knowing I seen many parents said that it not good to say no for children or they also think its good to let them do what they want them to do. Which they will have hard time to turn them back when they become what of control. So loving and caring are very different as Carla said, the different between her niece and nephew they are different I believe she loves them both, but it hard for her to say no for her niece than her nephew, because not always but sometimes its good to be a little harsh and showing them more loving at. I said this because life is not going to be soothed and prefect in realty, so its always good to learn how to survive the hard way. Also, this happen to me with my brothers and family they can get a way with me than with others, because they know I will say “yes” most probably.
ReplyDeleteI think that their needs to be a balance in a persons life that shows them you love and care about them but also are hard on them at times. In my life my mother was soft but also pushed me in times of need. My father was more of a tough love person and it made me scared of him. All people want love and compassion. When shown properly people will know when they need to get down to business. I feel that being able to communicate with others in a respectful way is the best thing that you can do for a relationship. I know that when I need to get on one of my friends or family members for being stupid that sometimes it can come out twisted but I always have the best intentions. When I communiate to people my intentions for saying these types of things they usually get it and still know I love and care for them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, tough love is neccessary. But so is a warm comforting embrace every once and a while. Life is very hard and you don't always want to do what you have to. Its not even always fair what you have to do. So the tough love is best for when the child must do something it doesnt want to do, and the warm love is for when the task is completed properly. Tough love is unfortunately confused with yelling, when a stern voice is more than enough. And, sometimes the warm embrace is replaced with a beating. Raising a child is hard, but I have found that tough love works very well. Whether the child understands the reasoning, or just the tone of voice it works. And followed by praise the child feels like it did a smart and adult thing afterwards. I may not have my own child, but I have been a replacement parent for more than one kid. I let my anger control me sometimes when i was a child helping raise a child, so I know parenting is a learnign experience, but it seems the first child is always the guinea pig. All parents should have to go through training, then maybe they will have already gone through the trial and error stage.
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