Friday, November 13, 2009
parents
My parents came to America from India about 18 years ago and I was born here. Being born and brought up in another country around different traditions is chaotic when two different worlds collide its very confusing. My parents are very strict even though I’m 18 I’m not allowed to do anything. I’m not allowed to date, stay out late; they always expect me to do above and beyond. Certain clothes I wear they don’t like. They hate the music I listen to they always say it sounds like dogs barking. They love to brag I think it’s an Indian thing. They are always comparing other peoples kids to me saying ”look at them they get better grades than you” and things of that nature. I feel like foreign parents just don’t understand the situation. Many kids are put under stress to because there isn’t communication with parents. I know that I can’t go to my parents if I have a problems and that’s pretty sad. They just won’t understand. I know it’s because they were brought up differently from me because they had an arranged marriage and I date around without their knowledge and I lie to them saying I’m with a girlfriend or cousin. I think many kids face this especially because America is so diverse. My parents had chilled out a little after talking to them and explaining to them that I’m not a kid but they still treat me like one. It still is and issue because things get serious like who do you go talk to when you get pregnant, or fail a class, or have a boyfriend or girl friend problem. There are some foreign parents that are very understanding but I guess its just a fact that they aren’t use to what we are.
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This is very funny because my parents think the same way except my family is from pakistan but i was born and raised here. All they think is that America is the land of oppurtunity and that studies are the only thing that matters. And i do agree that it is pretty sad that us as youngsters wont be able to share our struggles with our parents because no matter what they will never understand.
ReplyDeleteI know a friend that is from Trinidad and Tobago and her parents are the same way. Some cultures are differnet from America. She said when she came to Amercia she had more freedom than when she did back home. The parents in different belifes so they try to raise there kids the way they were raise.
ReplyDeleteyes the situations are common everywhere. well i had the same experience, when my parents and i came here it was much different but i couldnot stand that so i had to leave my home and fly on my own wings. do you think it is a good thing or a bad thing i think it is completely fear for parents to regulate their children especially in a new country with a different culture however, they should not push the children away .
ReplyDeleteWow...they ARE strict! @ 18 the strictest american parents let up some. Let me tell you though that many american parents are as strict. I feel that parents are this way beacause this is their way of "ensuring" their child will be successful in life. Many times the strictest parents are those who had hard lives and little or few opportunities and they just want for their child to have a better experience in life. But what they don't realize is that it can cause for a kid to stray from what they are trying so hard to acheive. I feel that when a child isn't comfortable talking to their parents they begin to lye, sneak around, and get involved with sometimes bad association. So being extremely strict isn't in my opinion the best policy. But I don't think it's just a foreign thing, although I DO think foreign parents(because if their beliefs & cultures) are a lot stricter than most american parents.
ReplyDeleteDear Rita,
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you are coming from, as myself being from a different culture, I had parents who set high goals for me, demanded obedience of certain rules, and if it is of any consolation let me tell you; it is not just “an Indian thing”, it is an African, European, and Asian thing, maybe not so much an American thing but even here there are parents who set high goals and demand respect from their children, and who demand that their children follow certain rules.
Each family has their own strategy or way of raising their children. That is called a parenting style where they psychologically construct and plan. There are three major styles, each having its own positives and negatives and include: authoritative, permissive, authoritarian, and My parents are what I perceived to be “strict” also known as Authoritative
The Authoritative parents usually set high expectations of obedience to rules, order, and directions. Directions can be negotiated between a child and a parent about the certain types of rules and behaviors allowed. These types of guidelines and rules are usually clear and fair along with flexible to the situation and the age of the child. My parents expected me to be home a certain time,dating was not allowed especially with my father, because he didn’t think that I was mature enough to make good decisions on who to date, and in my culture preferably you date to marry, not just dating for the sake of experiment( I don’t necessarily agrees) but it is not a such a bad idea, it minimize wed-lack parents try to encourage their children to be independent and to do things by themselves for themselves in an obedient way, they sent me to boarding school to encourage my independence. Our parents are not our friends, they are the parents, of cause they want to be there when we need them, and help to guide us. I think you give them less credit than they deserve, try to confine in your mother when you have a problem, you will be surprise on how receiving she can be. Remember that they are protective because they love you, they compare you to others, because they have high expectation for you. Take it from me, now that I don’t have them to guide me, I thank them for being “strict” when I was younger.
I totally feel you, even though I was born here! I think that parents a lot of the time have a preconceived notion of how they want their children to be, and the clash between the ideal child they have in their head and the one that they actually raised can take some time to get over.
ReplyDeleteAt least for me, I only really started to get along with my parents once I'd already left the house - a lot of it was really that we just saw eachother to much and got in eachothers hair a lot...
Now that I'm moved out and they don't get to see me much the dynamic has totally shifted.
I think parents can still discipline their kids without being overly strict. My parents are the same way I am 22 years and my curfew is still 11:00 pm. That was my curfew in college. I was never allowed to have a life and that is not a good thing because kids like me end up wildin out like I did when I got to college. There are times when I need help from my parents but I just don’t ask because I know that they are going to tell me that I messed up and I have to deal with it. It gets very overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteIts frustrating not knowing where to go and who to talk to when things are hard to figure out, but there are more than parents to blame then those that are foreign. My parents and many other are the same way and they a American natives. Communication is hard for them; they'll say things like "back in my day it was speak only when spoken to." Some people and specially parents don't like to change because there thought process has been molded into their brains sence the were children and till this day will not questions if their parents methods where right or wrong.
ReplyDelete