I would like to say that I feel that women’s role in today’s society as a mother has become considerably more overwhelming than they have been in the past. It seems that now women are not only supposed to be the physical parent to the children: watching them, feeding them, changing them, teaching them, and more, but they are also expected to financially provide for them. While I think that women should indeed be able to support themselves and their children, especially so that they can hopefully be self-reliant, I feel that men are let off the proverbial hook. Men are not expected to care for the child in any basic need sense, they are just to go to work like they have been doing up until the point that the child entered the world. Their life does not have to change one bit, they still go out whenever they want, and do not have to worry about who is watching the child, because obviously that is the mother’s job to make sure that the child is properly supervised.
I also believe that this becomes exponentially more evident when the couple is no longer together. If the woman has custody of the child, she is expected to raise that child 24 hours a day. Then, even though there is no help at home with the physical care of the child, the father complains about paying child support. In some of these cases, the father threatens to take the mother to court to obtain custody. Now this would not be so bad if their intention was to raise the child themselves, but inevitably they have entered into another relationship and expect the new woman or other female relative to raise the child. It seems that this is especially true in more eastern cultures where the man is the only gender that is worth anything, and the woman is a slave in the home, but still responsible for picking up any financial slack. I just do not understand that in this day and age, and even involving moderately intelligent human beings, that enlightenment on equality in child rearing is so absent.
Trista Tindall
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This post reminds me of the couple i used to nanny for. They both had time consuming professional careers, but the father worked from home. My job was to pick up the kids, bring them home, make them dinner and essentially keep them entertained and out of their fathers hair untill their mom came home around bed time and took over for me. I found this very stranged because often times the father was not working when i was at the house, he would watch tv or make himself drinks while reading the newspaper. I found myself thinking, is it really such a burden to take care of your own children that you are willing to hire outside help? They were both very nice people and they had wonderful children but i found the set up in that home to be very odd and wondering how stressed the mother must feel when she gets home from work.
ReplyDeleteI can't agree w/you more. I know there are some decent men out there that take on the resposibility of their children; however, there are also some deadbeats who don't even deserve the title of "father." How can they even begin to complain about paying child support when that's the easy part of "raising" a child. Oooh, you have to fork over a certain percentage of your paycheck so your own kid can eat and have clothes on their back. Cry me a freakin river. Isn't it the mother that's caring for the child 24/7? Isn't it us that have to juggle our schedules to attend school, work, AND raise a child? So the best thing to do in this situation is to take things the legal route. Let the courts determine how much of his paycheck should be confiscated (rightfully so!)and free yourselves of the unnecessary drama of these degenerates.
ReplyDeleteThe circumstances some women are put in when they have children are very stressful. I do agree that woman are the primary caregivers and can never be “let off the hook” for a night. They always have to organize meals, baths, and babysitters. It is unfortunate that some men don’t take responsibility for their actions. (I want to emphasize the word some because there are a lot of good guys out there who are greatly involved in their children’s lives and it is unfair to generalize that all males are incapable of responsibility)
ReplyDeleteBut to those women in our class that find themselves in this predicament, I would like to give provide you with a different perspective of your situation. While it may seem unfair, challenging, and overwhelming, your life is going to make a huge impact on your children. You are going to be a great role model to your son(s) or daughter(s). When they are old enough to understand the situation, they will look up to you and your hard work. You will have taught them that they need to be responsible for their actions and that when life throws you obstacles you have to work hard to overcome them. I know this because my parents got divorced when I was 10 years old. My mom had full custody of me and raised me by herself. I will admit we didn’t get along when I was a teenager and I hated her for being my only parent. I unfairly blamed her because I didn’t understand the entire situation. Now that I am 22, I respect my mom more than anyone in the world. She taught me to be a self-sufficient, independent, strong and confident woman. I truly believe that without the events that occurred in my life, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I know what it means to work hard for your money and save every penny that you can because she did it as I grew up. I know what it means to be responsible for the upkeep of our house because she raised me to be outside with all the fathers and son neighbors on our street doing lawn mowing and raking leaves. I know what it means to be confident in yourself and self-sufficient. I am so proud of my mom and I am certain that your children will be proud of you too. So keep it up! One day you will see the fruits of your labor!
Although there are some decent, well devoted fathers out there, I totally agree with you on this topic. Men should be more responsible when it comes to child rearing by being in their children's lives physically and emotionally, and if not pay child support. I was raised in a family where both parents were involved. My father worked far from home so he only came home on weekends. My mother had to balance her life between work and raising a big family of ten children. Although my father was a caring and devoted parent, he used to spoil us each time he was home. My mother was left with a very big responsibility of fixing what my father had demanaged over the weekend. This went on for several years until we all grew up and had a better understand of things. One thing I know for sure, when children grow up and have a better understanding of life,they appreciate and respect their mothers more due to the sacrifices these mothers make for their children. For all the mothers in our class, keep up the good work of raising your children, be it alone or with their fathers. Remember our children see all we do for them despite the fact that they may not often say it.
ReplyDeleteLydiah
I think that the way that some fathers act towards their cihldren could have to do with other topics such as how men are expected to not be emotional and sometimes are raised to be the " head of the household". From the moment a child is born, it's very important that the father gets to hold the child, feed it, and take care of it just as much as the mother does. Starting this from when the child is born will help the father become connected to the child. Also, these habits are passed from parent to parent. My father had a very caring loving dad, thus, he was always involved in my life and I am closer to him than I am with my mom. A good male role model is a good place to start.
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