I remember as soon as I gave birth to my son, the nurse asked and I quote, " are you going to feed him?". I looked at her and I had no answer. I mean he just came to this world and .......
Besides I wanted to touch and stare at him for a little while. Anyways, I was undecided as to whether I should breastfeed or not. Finally I got the courage to answer the nurse. I said I'm not sure that I want to breastfeed. She just did not get why I had a problem with breastfeeding. You probably thinking the same. The fact of the matter is that I did not appreciate being made feel uncomfortable, inadequate as a new mom, guilty and so on. She insensitively suggested I speak to a professional about the importance of breast feeding before she walked out of my room. I thought to myself "what a Bitch!". My eyes teared up, but I managed to suppress it, looked at my husband and asked him, "can you believe that?".
There was also another nurse who helped me deliver and her name Cherry. Just as her, name she was sweet and God sent. She heard the whole thing because she was still cleaning up my room when I had that uncomfortable conversation with "Nurse Hot stepper", I came up with that name for her while I was at the hospital convalescencing.
Cherry stopped what she was doing, sat on the edge of my bed and told me not make any decision based on other people's opinions. She told me that she herself, chose not to breastfeed and she was okay with herself even though her mother was not. She handed me a dozen of Enfamil infant disposable bottles and said " You gonna be a great mom, but the baby has to be fed very soon".
Since that talk with Cherry I felt very comfortable with my decision and did not let anyone bring me down with breastfeeding talk. Usually its moms trying to make other moms feel like crap or trying to convince themselves that they are better moms. Women are good at that.
I know there are lots of proven benefits for both mom and baby to breastfeed, but not everyone can or wants to, for so many varied reasons. But the society is always ready to
judge. I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing to breastfeed, I commend all mothers that do it. But it's not for me. I like to feed my baby from a bottle and I know that he is getting just as much nutrition as breast milk. It doesn't mean I love my son any less either. There is just as much bonding during both types of feeding. In fact in bottle feeding even dad is involved in measuring, mixing and warming of formula. This way baby and dad get to bond very early too!
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Great piece about your personal decision not to breastfeed. I really respect your decision and am glad you stuck by it and didn’t listen to the inappropriate nurses comments.
ReplyDeleteNurses should provide the best care they can without adding any opinions or personal bias to the situation. My brother and his wife went into preterm labor with twins at 24 weeks last fall. I am very close to them and they wanted me in the hospital room for many of the talks/discussions with the doctors/nurses. I was dumbfounded at the amount of opinion that was put into their analysis of the situation. One nurse made my sister in law feel terrible because she believed in letting the situation unfold naturally and didn’t want any extraordinary measures to be taken to save the babies lives. The nurse said, “wouldn’t you want to do EVERYTHING you can to save your babies lives?’ and made her feel like a monster for believing that if the babies could not be born naturally and healthy that it would be no kind of life if they had to be on feeding tubes and in wheelchairs for the rest of their lives. The nurse had no right to make her feel worse than she already did. The babies did not survive (and wouldn’t have regardless of their decision to put them on intensive life support, they died in the womb) and the nurses comments made it that much harder for all of us to recover. I think there needs to be a no tolerance policy in the medical profession when it comes to inserting personal opinion and beliefs in care. Their job is to be a medical professional who can state the facts, not insert religious or other views. Situations in hospitals are already emotionally draining enough between decisions that need to be made and physical, mental, and emotional pain that is suffered. There is no reason for people who have never met you prior to the event that put you in the hospital to act as if they know anything about your life.
I am so proud of you for sticking by your beliefs. This was difficult for my brother, sister in law and I to do and it took a lot of strength and support between us to stand up to our inappropriate nurse.
Everyone needs to feel comfortable and make the choice that is right for them. I'm sorry to hear that this nurse was so harsh and unhelpful. At some point, someone should have sat down with you and spent some time talking to you if you had questions about the process or about any of the pros and cons. You should not have been made to feel that your decision was wrong.
ReplyDeleteI think it is interesting that breast feeding has evolved over the past 10 years or so. There's a huge variance between the levels or degrees of breast feeding now. Many women are kind of adopting the best of both worlds where they pump and then feed the baby through a bottle most of the time and even integrate formula with it. This gives the opportunity for others to take an active role in feeding and caring for the baby and still passes on the important nutrients and immunities that are passed through breast milk. Formula is being manufactured to much closely resemble the nutritional makeup of breast milk with probably the only missing component being the antibodies that pass from the mother through breast milk.
The mom who holds the baby close while feeding with a bottle can instill the same sense of love and closeness as the mom who is breast feeding her baby. It's a personal decision and ultimately does not make someone a better mom.
To breast feed or bottle feed a baby is totally a personal preference. Every woman should be allowed to make her choice. I know from experience how hard it is for a new mother who gets a baby for the first time. Talk about the confusion, the changes, and new experiences that this mother goes through. Things she had not thought about suddenly appear and she has to make decisions.
ReplyDeleteThat is why it is very important for a new mother to have a support group that will help her manage. Nurses, doctors, family memebers are the best help group for the a new mother.
The work of the help group is to help her by explaining things, educating her then leave her to make her own decisions without judging.
I respect the fact that you stuck on your decision not to breastfeed.
I prefer breast-feeding to bottle-feeding, but I totally respect those who choose to bottle feed. Like I said this is a personal preference.
I totally support your personal decision. Both breastfeeding and formula should be decided by parents especially mother. Either way there is advantage and disadvantage. The nurse shouldn’t be the one whom decide what to do. Nurse’s are there to support and teach their patients. I’m glad you stick with your decision. I feel sorry for those who are biased by others and couldn’t keep on their first thought what they should do when they have new baby. Believe me there are people who will change their mind if the nurse tell them this is good that is bad. Because they think that the nurse knows better.
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