Here's a story. I met my boyfriend Derek three years ago. We didn't initially fall in love and have the fairy tale relationship. For a while, he just wanted what I could do for him it seems although he said he had always loved me. I knew I wasn't the only girl Derek was seeing but it was something about him the kept me involved with him. Although this made me uneasy, I had this huge respect for him because he was always honest and upfront about what he did when it came to another female and I admired that. Now, its obvious that I had the choice to stay involved or leave but the mystery of him kept me hanging on. About a year after we met, Derek started coming around more and eventually decided he wanted me for the rest of his life. I didn't commit to him right away because I knew of his past but I did. So, one morning when Derek got off work. he decided he wanted to come see me and he did. I cooked us breakfast and he went to sleep. That ole' thing called womans intuition came knocking and I let her in; I looked in Derek's cell phone and read his messages. Big mistake. They always say don't go looking for something if you don't want your feelings hurt. I saw messages that he sent one girl Crystal* and messages he sent his ex Jada*, the same ex he claim he left alone from me. Now you could imagine my shock because Derek pleaded with me to be with him. I woke his ass up and told him to get out. Now, I know I betrayed his trust by going through his phone but when that womans intuition came, she came full force. Besides, I already felt something was being said that was inappropriate. The trust I had in him was shot! Now I have a question for you and think carefully. If you know for sure that something wrong is being done by your bf or gf, can you really say that you don't trust them and get upset when you find out? My answer is no. If you already knew, then you obviously didn't trust them anyway. Especially if its early on in the relationship.
Prior to committing to Derek, I had been involved with a guy. Derek was well aware of this guy. He asked me time and time again if I had been with him and I always told him no. Eventually I would have to tell him the truth and I did. It hurt him and it hurt our relationship. Both of our credibility was shot as far as we were concerned. He didnt believe anything I said and I didnt believe shit that came out of his mouth. We broke up. Eventually we talked and decided we loved each other and wanted to make it work; that we were going to do everything we could to see it through and we did. Now, we have a relationship like no other. He did everything he could to make sure the same mistakes didnt happen again and so did I and Im working on loving him the way he deserves because he does the same exact for me. Im treated with respect and love everyday and that means the world to me. He's changed alot, not only for himself but for me as well. I didnt write this for you all to he critical of me or my relationship. I wrote it to prove a point and my point is this: Even after trust is broken, be it by one party or both, it can be healed and re-gained. You just have to put it in your mind and stick to the plan. After all, when you meet the person you want to spend your life with, love knows no boundries.
What I have learned from past experiences is that once the trust is gone, it's really hard to gain it back. I think that the main reason is because it is really hard for people to change. Often people have the desire to change but aren't willing to put in the work to make it happen and temptations are everywhere. Just like sitting in front of the TV is easier than going to the gym, keeping the same habits is easier than developing new ones. I have personally been on both sides of the fence. My trust with one person was broken time and time again until I finally could not trust them anymore and, my trust was broken with another person with whom I was able to regain it. It comes down to the parties involved being totally honest with each other and willing to work hard. The reality is that often, either one or both people fail to hold up their end of the bargain and relationships with trust issues either fail or become toxic.
ReplyDeleteStarting a relationship based on lies is going to be difficult. I do wish you the best. I believe relationships have to have trust, love, and respect, or they can't survive. I hope that the time apart allowed both of you time to grow to appreciate each other. Relationships are hard to maintain even with trust, love and respect. I would not ever want to be in a relationship where I would be questioning if that person has my best intrest at heart, or if I could trust anything that comes out of their mouth.
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